I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
