Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
