She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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