So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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