if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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