Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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