Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
