Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize