I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
