I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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