When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
