Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
