It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
