You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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