Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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