I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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