"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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