I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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