I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
