You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
