someone owes me an orgasm
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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