there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
