wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
