There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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