Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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