Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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