I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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