I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
