yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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