The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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