First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
