It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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