just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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