what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
