Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
