the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
