I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
