Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
