I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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