I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sarcasm needs its own font
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
