I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
