I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
