so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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