Welp...herpes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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