Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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