How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
