i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
