I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
