I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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