Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
tell me about the eggs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
