I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
